I will become what I deserve

It's been a while since I've posted and it kind of feels good. Tonight I went to a gig that got me really thinking. It could be somewhat due to the fact I wasn't feeling tired after a week of work (such a rarity for me and I love it) or it could be due to having to be completely present because my phone is broken and I couldn't snap any photos of the delicious lighting and musicians (actually quite sad about that).

Life has been insane lately. Not like hectic insane, but insane in my mind. I've overthought just about every movement I've made, every word I've said, penny I've spent and plan I've made. It's taken me this long, but I've realised it was all due to fear.

Fear.

How shit. 

Fear of what others think, my friends, family, co-workers, managers. People I don't even know who pass me in the street, serve me at the grocery store and smile at me in the gym. But why the hell? 

I don't actually know to be honest, because what I want to do doesn't effect them. What they think is their opinion, not mine, and why would I let that direct me where I don't want to go? 

It's been hard. Harder than I thought. It's taken developing friendships, people to walk into my life that make me realise who I am and little quotes on the back of toilet doors to realise; I am me and the only person who can feed my passions is myself. So why have I been holding back for so long? 

After all, the most rewarding thing I've done in my short 20 years on this earth is facing my fears and following my dreams. And there's no point in stopping halfway. 

"I've been worrying' that we all, live our lives, in the confines of fear" - Ben Howard